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by Inge P. Cannon
Education PLUS

Do you have a young adult in your home? Consider yourself indeed blessed! During this exciting period of life between the end of high school and the mid-twenties, people usually make most or all of major decisions that frame the structure and identity of their lives. They choose their mates, their vocations, the unique training opportunities that hone their marketable skills, the location of their first independent address and where they will work.

Contrary to the thinking of modern society, young adults need a solid relationship with their parents to navigate this sea of crucial decisions successfully. Yet many parents struggle with this final stage of discipleship before launching their children to full maturity-some, because they have forgotten the practical needs and pressures of this period, and others, because they restrict their interaction with young adults to the training/obedience relationship that is appropriate to childhood and the teen years. Having served Christian families in various educational settings (school teacher and principal, college dean of women, and home education counselor, etc.) for 35 years, I have witnessed a few tendencies that are amazingly consistent-and that parents are uniquely qualified to correct in the spirit of loving mentorship. This list is not intended to be exhaustive. It is simply a prompting to take a second look at some very basic things as you finish the most important job on earth-training the next generation of adults.

Focus on Physical and Mental Growth
Young adults (ages 18-24) may be very self-conscious about physical features. They can be extremely vulnerable to the demands of our materialistic society and worry about how others perceive their clothing, furnishings, job title, car, etc. Encourage them to practice moderation in their choices as well as personal responsibility in caring well for what they own. Reminding them of spiritual values will bring much needed balance. (Note: Sharing your own life's experiences is usually much better than lecturing at this point!)

Young adults tend to neglect their physical well-being. This is most ironic in light of their attention to the external details of appearance; nonetheless, it is clearly understandable as they try to prioritize the demands of their busy lives. Young adults often have such an abundance of energy at this stage during this stage of their development that it is easy for employers, leaders of various causes, and even parents to "use" them. The young people are able to stay up half the night to meet a desperate deadline, and they usually have the strong internal sense of cause orientation to want to achieve the goal. You will probably need to reinforce the lesson that "busyness" is not synonymous with Godliness.

Another related difficulty in young adulthood is the tendency to learn "workaholic" behavior patterns in completing project marathons. The danger is that having established such work patterns, many folks transfer their habits into the families they eventually establish-at a price tag of lots of pain and personal hurt! A prayerfully-designed schedule with strategic accountability questions from parents should help to bring much needed personal discipline.

Young adults should be thinking seriously about life goals. Direct their concerns about the future to the importance of acknowledging that the only thing that really matters is that they understand what God wants them to do. It will always be a temptation to collect opinions from everyone and "tally the votes" about where to go next. The better solution is to seek answers from God's Word that are reinforced through prayer and Biblically-informed counsel from appropriate authority figures. Parents also need to be sensitive to individual differences among their offspring so that training options are appropriately matched to calling, abilities, and personality.

If young adults do not have challenging jobs or are not in academically demanding situations, they can become very lazy. They are particularly vulnerable if they have not yet determined a sense of God's direction for their lives. Wise parents will not wait for these symptoms to show themselves, but will assist their sons and daughters in establishing the necessary goals, coupled with a plan for implementation that includes some measures of accountability (from within your family and from sources outside).

Young adults often demonstrate excellent judgment-be sure to give them credit for this! As a result, employers and ministry leaders are sometimes prone to position them into responsibilities that are too big for this stage of their lives. This is especially likely if the young people are talented and experience good health. Wise parents will exercise the type of discernment that refuses to place novices in positions of authority, but rather seeks development opportunities that avoid damaging shortcuts. To be "in charge" before learning to function effectively under authority robs a young adult of valuable practical experience.

Focus on Mature Relationships
Most young adults have few fears, particularly if they enjoy good health and have access to a reasonable amount of material resources. Apart from some anxiety over money issues, these years tend to breed a sense of over-confidence and sometimes even presumptuousness. The solution for balance in this area is learning to see themselves as God sees them in light of the full counsel of Scripture.

When young adults are "up," they are really "up." When they are discouraged, they can be very "down." They feel things intensely and may have a tendency to become overly introspective. Reintroduce a balanced perspective by encouraging your sons and daughters adult to serve others.
I tell young people all the time that they have mastered the "heart of a servant" when they can serve their sibling without prompting and without reward.

Young adults want to be accepted as peers in adult circles. Parents and leaders help most when they respect this fact as a worthy goal, listen carefully to what the young people have to say, and never communicate a spirit of condescension. The response, "I used to think like that when I was young" quickly short-circuits a young adult's energy, creativity, and will to move forward.

Young adults have a strong sense of independence; thus, parents and leaders need to be sensitive in not forcing ideas upon them. This is a time for cultivating adult relationships with your offspring that allow opportunities for the "give and take" which should accompany the friendship you want to maintain for the rest of your lives. That is not to minimize the Scriptural teaching of honoring one's parents; it simply indicates that the time is ripe for gradually shifting gears from obedience to parental commands to seeking counsel and choosing how to implement it. That shift won't happen on the morning of a young person's eighteenth birthday; it will be a process that varies in timing from individual to individual.

But something is very wrong if the shift has not been made by the end of the young adult years. A very important dimension of giving advice is respecting the young person's choice to follow it, adapt it, or even ignore it, thereby forcing himself/herself to have to learn in the "school of hard knocks." Even times of failure can offer very effective lessons. Wise parents make room for these practical experiences and encourage young people to fulfill their obligations even if it costs more to do so than was originally anticipated. It is a serious mistake for parents to protect their young adults from the consequences of life as they choose their path.

Young adults need to continue working out their commitment to moral purity and courtship. Challenge them to replace the natural attention to physical desires and social pressures with willful attention to spiritual energy and motivation.

Focus on Spiritual Disciplines
Most young adults are wholehearted in all that they want to do, but they are inclined to forget their personal devotions as they busily serve God in ministry-oriented activities. Parents, leaders, and friends do well to encourage these folks to establish some kind of accountability system for growing in spiritual disciplines. It is most important that young adults evaluate every potential "cause" carefully, in the light of God's purposes and long range goals. The need does not constitute the call, and not all things that are lawful are expedient.

The concept of developing a "life message" is very encouraging to a Christian young adult. The thrust of this concept is obedience-moment by moment and day by day-to the directions God gives. As those "chapters" are written into the life, they become a mighty testimony of blessing to be shared as God grants opportunities. Young adults are prone to want to tell everyone else what to do and how to do it. When they try to do this, however, their aggressive enthusiasm coupled with their lack of experience can create offenses. Thus, focusing on "writing the chapters" of experience and patiently waiting for God to bring opportunities for "a hearing" is very constructive.

Leadership opportunities should grow out of the initiative to meet the needs of others. The young adult years are an important time for recognizing that "a good name is rather to be desired than great riches." The reputation you earn for God's glory today will open many doors to greater fruitfulness tomorrow.


© Copyright 2007. Adapted from Growing in Wisdom & Stature: How to Make the Most of Your Child's Development, a series of audio seminars by Inge Pohl Cannon, focusing on the physical, intellectual, social, emotional, and spiritual characteristics of specific age groups from toddlerhood through young adulthood. Mrs. Cannon has served the homeschool community in a variety of encouraging ways for almost 25 years. Her current focus is helping parents produce professional high school transcripts that will satisfy the need to communicate with education officials and yet honor the heart of a discipleship-oriented tutorial lifestyle of learning. You can learn more about her ministry, Education PLUS, by visiting www.edplus.com or www.homeschooltranscripts.com .